I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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