Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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