I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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