You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
