I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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