FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
