Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You can't special order awesome
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
