Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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