i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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