Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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