make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
