drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
