my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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