I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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