you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
