he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize