Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
