Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
