So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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