Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
