Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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