do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
