Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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