the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
