i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
