I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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