Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
