I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
