I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
