I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
