i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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