My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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