I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize