smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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