So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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