toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
