I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
