my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
