There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize