if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
