My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
