He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
