if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize