you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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