Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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