when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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