Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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