At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
