i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
