yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I looked at my own cervix.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
