May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
