I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you traded sex for a burrito?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want her autograph on my taint
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
