Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
not ubering you a puppy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize