Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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