I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
