And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
