the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
