Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
