don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
