Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
