Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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