I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
