just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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