I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
