omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
