Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
