I'm going to jail i love you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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