and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
