i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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