it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
