she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
