i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
