I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
