So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
