Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
