I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
