I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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