Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
