Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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