Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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