I just saw a hot homeless man
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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