her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
