I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
