when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
